What Happened to My Sweet Baby?

Your baby is (or at least was) about as close to perfection as you’ll find this side of heaven. Those dreamy grins every time you walked into the room. The sweet melody of ba-ba-la-la-las in the baby monitor as you woke up each morning. Those moments when she snuggled close and fell asleep on your shoulder. Pure, sweet almost-perfection.

But recently, have you noticed something changing? Like those dreamy grins being replaced by snarls? And that sweet melody of ba-ba-la-la-las sounding an awful lot like, “No! Mine! No! No! No!”? And those snuggle-close-and-fall-asleep moments getting fewer and further between?

Just as you were getting that whole baby thing down pat, your kid decides to up and turn one-and-a-half on you. And suddenly, you’re afraid to go out in public because your kid might pitch a royal fit, but you don’t want to stay home because your kid might have a tantrum. You can’t go to restaurants (he might smoosh peas into the carpet) or to parks (he might hit someone) or to stores (he might climb the shelves). How do you survive?

I remember the day I realized that my son was in the terrible twos. We were at the park with the other moms in my MOPS group and Joey picked up a pebble (okay, it was a rock) and threw it at another kid. Gulp. After a very long (and very passionate) lecture on why rock throwing isn’t a nice thing to do, I was certain that Joey wouldn’t do it again. He was so contrite. And surely he hadn’t done it on purpose. He was only one! So I hugged my oh-so-sweet son tightly and sent him off to play. And, as soon as he escaped my grip, he smiled innocently at me, picked up another rock and threw it at the same kid. Harder this time. Uh oh. Helllllo terrible twos.

So, what now? How do you survive when your kid can’t make it through the day (okay, the minute) without throwing a massive tantrum? And what do you do when she thinks that a balanced diet should consist solely of mac & cheese and chocolate chips? And how do you discipline a kid who can’t understand the difference between “steal” and “share”? And how in the world can you go grocery shopping when your kid’s throwing toys out of the cart every twelve seconds as you stock up in the bulk-foods aisle?

It’s time to adjust your mama game plan. You can be the mom of a one-and-a-half-year-old and still go into public and come home (somewhat) sane. And you can love God, love your husband, and (yes) even love your fit-throwing, no-saying, rock-throwing kid while doing it. Here’s how.

A note for my particularly scrupulous readers:  You may notice that all of the pronouns in this book are male.  This was a decision made by my editors and I in order to keep the copy simple and consistent.  It in no way means that that this book is more applicable to boys or that I intended the tips and advice in this book to be just for boys.  So, if you happen to have a daughter (like I do), please mentally substitute “her” for “him” and “she” for “he” as you read. And then write a very serious letter to whoever invented the English language letting them know how much easier our lives would be if pronouns weren’t gender specific.

1

Getting into the Toddler Mama Groove

Surviving and Thriving in the Toddler Years

I took my one-and-a-half-year-old niece, Greta, to McDonalds a few days ago. I’m not sure if that makes me a bad Auntie (she’s asked for McNuggets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day since) or a cool Auntie (I let her get fries . . . shhhhh!)—but regardless, she loved it. And I did too. Except for one thing: Greta—adorable, sweet and precious Greta—is smack dab in the middle of the terrible twos.

We walked into the play area, and before I could set my tray on a table, Greta ran up to another kid who was putting on his shoes and shouted, “No! Mine!” Turns out Greta was under the impression that everything in the room belonged to her. The slide? Mine! The giant piano on the wall? Mine! The little baby that another woman was putting in a high chair? You guessed it. Mine! It was hilarious. And aside from having to remind Greta 15,324 times to be sweet, we had a wonderful time.

I told my sister-in-law the story and she wasn’t quite as amused. You see, Greta’s plunge from delectable baby to delectable-yet-exasperating toddler happened very quickly and very unexpectedly. One day, Greta was her normal sweet self—singing sleepily in her crib, eating whatever delicacy her mama put on her plate, and playing nicely with her cousins. The next day, Greta woke up a different kid. She whined. She said no. She threw her veggies on the floor. And she screamed “mine” at anyone and everyone who dared come within fifteen feet of one of her toys.

My sister-in-law is beyond frustrated—and rightfully so. I remember feeling the same way when my kids hit the terrible twos. Suddenly, all of my parenting skills were tested. All of the rules were changed. And all of my lovely walk-in-the-park moments were ruined by massive temper tantrums and whining fits. I realized I had to get my mama groove back because my sweet baby was no longer a sweet baby, and if we were being honest, I was no longer a sweet baby mama. I was a frustrated mama. And an annoyed mama. And the kind of mama who spent more time saying no to my kid than he spent saying no to everyone else. Which was a lot.

Being the parent of a one-and-a-half-year-old is overwhelming. Remember back in your new mama days when the mere thought of feeding and bathing and diapering a baby seemed overwhelming? Remember that? Well, now you’re an old pro. Being a toddler mama is a lot like that; it feels impossible at first. It seems like you’ll never be able to go to the mall—or church—again. But you’ll figure it out. And before long you’ll be able to handle a whiney meltdown while calmly filing your nails and sipping an espresso.

[[a header]]How to Get into the Toddler Mama Groove

[[b header]]1. Give yourself a break.

I’m a perfectionist, so I tend to think of my kids’ behavior as a direct reflection on me. And then, when my kid acts obnoxiously, I blame myself for being a terrible mother. But mama mantra #1345 begs to differ: you are not a terrible mother because your kid just smeared Desitin all over your mother-in-law’s antique quilt. Or hasn’t eaten anything besides peanut butter and Cheerios in nine days. Or just stole a toy from another kid at playgroup.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t deal with these issues—you should—but simply that you can’t be hard on yourself because your kid is having a bad day. Motherhood is hard, and no mom in the history of the entire world has been a perfect mama—no one. With that in mind, even in your worst mama moments, cut yourself some slack. God has used some of the hardest times I’ve had as a mom—times when I wasn’t sure if I would survive the day, much less eighteen years—to show me how to depend on Him. And in order for God to use these trials to help me learn and grow, I have to let go of them and give them to God. Only He can make our paths—and our children’s paths—straight.

[[b header]]2. Give yourself a time-out from your kid.

Sometimes you just need a time-out. I remember a day like that. My son Joey had thrown a huge fit in Target because I hadn’t bought him a chocolate milk (mean mommy, right?) and that had escalated to a hysterically whiney car ride and a full-on toy-throwing tantrum when we got home. I called my mom. She told me to bring him over to her house.

I vegged in front of the TV while she took him to play in the sandbox and read him books. He calmed down. I calmed down. And by the time I had to go home to make dinner, I was a different mama—calm, cool, collected, and totally in love with my adorable son. Whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder was almost certainly the mom of a one-and-a-half-year-old. I can be at my wit’s end but after just an hour away, be rushing home for a chubby-armed toddler hug.

So, on those can’t-get-through-five-minutes-without-an-issue days, don’t be afraid to call a friend, call your mother, call someone. No one can do it alone, and chances are that your mother or your sister or your best girlfriend would be happy to take your kid to McDonalds for an hour or two . . . and return them full of chicken nuggets and French fries.

[[b header]]3. Plan Your Days to Include Movement.

In the past, you may have been able to get by with lazing around all morning and spending the afternoon reading stories, but most toddlers are active and need a lot of activity. And by “need a lot of activity,” I mean that if you don’t make sure your kid runs around for at least two hours out of every day, you’re pretty much guaranteed a five-star meltdown at nap time and an eight-star fit at dinner.

So, for your sanity (and your kid’s), try to work some activity into every day. One of my favorite things to do with my kids is to go into the backyard and play soccer. They love it because it’s fun. I love it because it counts as exercise for them and for me—and because a couple of years ago, after a couple of weeks of backyard soccer practice, my husband commented on my “sexy soccer-player calves.” Let’s just say I became a regular soccer fiend after that. Even a quick walk to the park or around the neighborhood can burn some of that pent-up toddler energy, especially if you let your kid walk at her pace instead of yours. Of course, that means you won’t get anywhere quickly, but who cares? At least you’ll be able to inspect every single acorn you see along the way.

[[b header]]4. Pray. For Yourself.

I know you’re praying for your kid. Like all the time. But what about for yourself? It’s hard to be a good mama—especially when your kid isn’t exactly full of sugar and spice and everything nice. So pray for patience. Pray for wisdom. And pray that you’ll be able to reflect Christ’s love in your life even when you’re on your last nerve.

Time-out for Mom

For When You’re Praying For Yourself as a Mother

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.  (Psalm 139:1-6)

Lord God, it is such an incredible thing that you—the creator of heaven and earth—know me personally.  You know my ever flaw, my every strength, my every thought and my every desire.  And so, I don’t have to tell you that I desperately love my children and want to do whatever it takes to raise them in a way that’s pleasing to you.  Lord, I need your help.  I cannot do it alone.  My human ways are weak—I grow impatient and selfish and angry.  But you are so much bigger than that and I pray that you fill me with your spirit so that I, in turn, can be like you.  Amen.

[[a header]]Toddler Dictionary

Just to get you started off right on your toddler mama journey, here’s a dictionary of common toddler words.

Bedtime [bed-tahym]: 1. The moment when—no matter how exhausted I’ve been all day—I suddenly feel wide-awake. 2. The moment when—no matter how much milk I left in my sippy cup at dinnertime—I suddenly feel extremely thirsty. 3. The moment when—no matter how independent I’ve felt all day—I suddenly feel extremely needy.

Binky [bing-k-ee]: (also known as: wubby, wubbalove, paci, pacifier) 1. The thing that—no matter how much my mom tries—I will refuse to go to bed without. 2. The thing that—no matter how much mom tries—I will refuse to leave the house without.

Broccoli [brok-uh-lee]: A green tree-like substance that should be immediately fed to the dog if placed on your highchair tray.

Chocolate milk [chaw-kuh-lit milk]: The only thing that will keep me from tossing a carton of eggs on the floor at the grocery store.

Crayon [krey-on, -uh n]: 1. The thing mom always puts in my hand when she wants me to be quiet at restaurants. 2. A tool for decorating walls, floors, and mom’s super-expensive antique coffee table. 3. A yummy snack.

Dog [dawg]: 1. The big thing lying on the floor that wants you to pull its tail. 2. Synonymous with “pony.”

Hair [hair]: A convenient place to wipe your hands after you’ve eaten mashed sweet potatoes or anything with maple syrup.

Mine [mahyn]: 1. Something that belongs to me. 2. Something that I want to belong to me. 3. Something that once belonged to me. 4. Something that I’ve seen before.

Park [pahrk]: 1. The place where I can run and scream as loud as I want and mom won’t tell me to stop. 2. The place where I will find unlimited amounts of gravel, rocks and dirt to roll in, get in my shoe, eat, and throw at other kids.

The Wiggles [th-uu wig-uh ls]: 1. The absolutely hilarious guys that mom—against her best judgment—introduced me to on that day that she was trying to answer sixty-two emails in one afternoon. 2. The fun concert that mom will—against her best judgment—take me to when they come to town. 3. The fun CD that mom will—against her best judgment—buy. 4. The fun CD that mom will—against her best judgment—play in the car CD player if I whine long enough.

Whine [wahyn]: 1. The noise you make when you really, really want something. 2. The noise you make when you really, really want something and mom says no. 3. The noise you make when you really, really want something and mom still keeps saying no. 4. The noise you make when you don’t remember what you wanted, but you know Mom will probably say no anyway.

Vegetable [vej-tuh-buh l]: A fun toy that mom puts on your dinner plate so you have something to throw during dinnertime.

[[a header]]Your Toddler is Fabulous (Even if She’s Fabulously Obnoxious at Times)

Even in the middle of the most hysterical, most obnoxious, most terrible one-and-a-half fit, if you look really, really close, your kid will still be pretty darn cute. That’s because your kid is a fabulously amazing (and independent) creation of God and even in the middle of her one-and-a-half-year-old glory, she is still pretty darn amazing.

The thing about the terrible twos is that they really aren’t that terrible. Sure, your kid acts terrible from time to time, but it’s because she is growing and learning and trying to figure out the world. And sometimes that figuring manifests itself as whining. And sometimes that growing manifests itself as fit-throwing. But in the middle of it all, God is working in your kid’s life, and you get the incredible privilege of getting a front-row seat to it all.

It’s easy to get frustrated with one-and-a-half-year-olds, but it’s also easy to love them for the real, honest, and utterly adorable children of God that they are. And with that in mind, let’s get on with our loving—and surviving—of the toddler years.

Welcome to Club Mom

Congratulations.  You (yes, you) are an official, card-carrying member of the greatest club of all: Club Mom.  And talk about an initiation ritual.  You just survived months of morning sickness, forty (plus) pounds of weight gain, and seventeen hours of labor and delivery.  Or, if you adopted, you trekked through seventy billion pages of paperwork, months of ups and downs and nail-biting nerves.  But you did it—and you did it all for that teeny, tiny, eight-ish pound baby that you already love more than anything in the world.

I was inducted into the club two days after Christmas in 2005 when my son, Josiah, was born.  And what a day that was!  I was exhausted.  And groggy.  And in pain.  But I was overjoyed.  My son was literally the most amazing, gorgeous, beautiful baby that had ever been born.  (Yours is too, right?)  And from that moment on, I knew that Club Mom was exactly the place I wanted to be.

Isn’t motherhood wonderful?  I certainly don’t need to tell you how fabulous your new baby is—but just for fun, let’s talk about your baby for a minute.  That downy-soft hair.  Big need-you eyes.  Chubby round cheeks.  Big ole potbelly.  Fat, delicious knees.  Tiny, stubby toes.  Amazing!  And adorable! And, best of all, knit together by the Creator of the Universe Himself with a very specific and wonderful purpose in mind.  No wonder you feel so awestruck every time you sneak into your baby’s nursery for one last goodnight kiss.

Of course, just because you’ve been initiated into Club Mom doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing.  I learned the hard way (read: through countless messy diaper blow-outs) that motherhood has a huge learning curve.  And nobody becomes a pro-mom—you know, the kind who carries a fully stocked diaper bag and manages to nurse her baby to sleep while picking up groceries—without practice . . . and some good, solid, mama-to-mama advice.

That’s why I’m here—to get you from the spit-up-covered, baggy-eyed mama that you are now—to the proud, camera-wielding, frosting-covered mama that you will be on your baby’s first birthday.  And what a journey it will be—in the next year, you’ll learn how to sleep while simultaneously spoon-feeding your baby tiny pieces of cheese and videoing your baby’s adorable lip smacking, how to remove yellow stains from expensive, grandma-purchased, white baby clothes, and how to puree food using nothing but a spoon and your own ingenuity.

Yes, in the next year, you’re going to learn a lot.  How to care for your baby.  How to be a godly mother.  And how to embrace the ups and downs of motherhood while maintaining some semblance of the hip person you really are.  As you can imagine, that’s not an easy thing to do—especially when you’re running on about three (interrupted) hours of sleep a night.

But, it is doable!  And you’re going to do great!  So welcome to the club.

A note for my particularly scrupulous readers:  You may notice that all of the pronouns in this book are male.  This was a decision made by my editors and I in order to keep the copy simple and consistent.  It in no way means that that this book is more applicable to boys or that I intended the tips and advice in this book to be just for boys.  So, if you happen to have a daughter (like I do), please mentally substitute “her” for “him” and “she” for “he” as you read.  And then write a very serious letter to whoever invented the English language letting them know how much easier our lives would be if pronouns weren’t gender specific.

Chapter 1

Getting Into the New Mama Groove

Surviving and Thriving as a New Mom

Being a new mom isn’t as easy as it looks.  I remember going to the grocery store when my son was a few months old and standing in line behind a woman who had three kids.  She stood there, thumbing through a magazine with her baby sleeping peacefully in a sling while her two older (and perfectly behaved) children sat quietly in the cart and quizzed each other on phonics.  Phonics.  No joke!  And to top it all off, the woman was wearing real pants (not sweats) and I think I spotted a smidgeon of mascara on her eyes.  My jaw dropped in awe.  How did she do that?

Meanwhile I stood there wearing a ratty, spit-up-covered T-shirt, my hair in a greasy pony tail, bouncing up and down in line while singing “Jesus Loves Me” to try to make my son stop screaming so that I could at least make it through the check-out line and buy milk.  And I wondered how I was ever going to be able to do normal things—like go to the grocery store or (gasp!) have a social life—without enduring a total meltdown (both the baby’s and mine).

Being a mom is hard.  Way back in the 1960s, two psychologists named Holmes and Rah decided to study the link between major life events and stress.  They did a bunch of research and interviewed a ton of people and came to the startling conclusion that major life changes—you know, like having a baby—are stressful.  Um, well, duh.

Of course having a new baby is stressful!  In a matter of minutes, you go from a fashionable, intelligent, and totally (okay, mostly) put-together woman to a blubbering, still-trying-to-lose-the-baby-weight mother who is exhausted, overwhelmed, and can’t figure out how to use the nasal aspirator.  It’s a huge life change—and most mamas (like me!) need some time to get the hang of it.

But you’ll get there.  Okay, so chances are you’ll probably never stand in line at the grocery store while your kid discusses the intricacies of phonics, but you’ll certainly get to the point where you can manage to put on real pants and buy milk without feeling like a bumbling fool.  I promise.

How to Get Into the New Mom Groove

1.  Give yourself a break.  Remember that seemingly perfect mom I told you about earlier in the chapter?  The one who managed to wear pants and mascara while wrangling three kids?  Well, fabulous as she is, you have to remember that she has three kids . . . which means she’s had a lot of practice.  I’m willing to bet that there was a point in time when she also stood in the grocery store with a screaming baby in her arms while covered in spit-up from head to toe.

You’re not going to have the mom thing down pat right away—or ever.  Case in point:  We flew from Texas to Oregon right around my son’s first birthday.  With a full year’s experience of being a mom under my belt, I had everything under control.  Or so I thought.  Right after we got on the plane, I realized that my son had a dirty diaper—and, of course, in the process of trying to change it on the cramped plane, I managed to completely soil his pants, his shirt ,and his sweater.  I reached for the diaper bag—only to realize that I had checked it.  I had nothing.  Well, nothing except for a naked baby on an airplane in December.

Every mom has a story like that—well, maybe not exactly like that, but I’m pretty sure every mom forgets to bring a change of clothes once or twice.  And when things happen that make us look inexperienced or clueless or just plain frazzled, we have to take it in stride.  Realize we’re doing the best we can.  And confidently ask everyone around us if we can please borrow a diaper.

2. Give yourself a break from baby. You heard me.  If you’re going to stay sane, you need to pry yourself away from your little schnookums every once in awhile.  I’m not telling you to go away on a four-week African safari, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt you to sneak out of the room while your baby is sleeping and take a shower.  Or, if you’re feeling really brave, you could leave your baby with your mom and go out to the Tastee Freez with your husband.

The point is that as wonderful as your baby is, you need some time to be you.  And seeing as how you weren’t always a brand-new mom with a brand-new baby attached to your hip, it’s good for you to pry that baby off of your hip every once in awhile and go back to being your fabulous self—give or take ten to fifteen pounds.

When my son was a few weeks old, my husband suggested (okay, demanded) that I leave the baby with him and go to the mall with my sister.  I whined and moaned and worried that something would happen.  But I eventually left.  And we had a great time.  We were only gone an hour or two (I was breast-feeding) but I remember feeling so liberated walking around carrying just my purse.  I felt like a real person again!

3.  Pace yourself. When you have a new baby in tow, there is no way you can do all the things you used to do back in the day.  That’s fine.  It’s okay that the house only gets vacuumed when your mother-in-law comes or that an entire day’s worth of activities constitutes a run to Target to buy diapers.  Yes, you headed up the world committee on organic gardening while holding down a full-time job and a seventy-hour-per-week volunteer ministry in your pre-baby days, but you just aren’t going to be able to do that now that you have kids.  And that’s okay.

The good news is that you’ll get back into your do-everything-and-volunteer-at-the-soup-kitchen-to-boot groove soon enough.  I remember feeling so incompetent when my son was a newborn.  I felt like nothing got accomplished at my house.  Ever.  But you know what?  My son didn’t stay a newborn and I didn’t stay a newborn mom forever.  Now I head the snack committee for my son’s football league and organize the class picnic and write the newsletter for my MOPS group.  And some days, I kind of miss those nostalgic new mom days when my only daily responsibility was making sure my son got fed.

4. Let your friends help. It takes a whole village—or at least an entire extended family and a church group—to raise a child.  And yet so many young mamas try to do it alone.  I remember being nervous when my friends offered to set up a CareCalendar (www.carecalendar.org) to bring me meals after my baby was born.  I didn’t want them to think I wasn’t capable—and I certainly didn’t want them to feel like they had to wait on me.  Of course they didn’t feel that way at all.  They wanted to help—just like I do when my friends have babies.

Here’s the way I look at it:  when you have a brand-new baby and are recovering from what was possibly a very traumatic labor, you need all the help you can get.  So accept whatever your friends and family offer you gratefully—and make a mental note to do the same when they need you.  And, the truth is, unless you’re still asking your friends to make you dinner and clean your house when your baby is ten months old, no one will feel like they’re waiting on you.  They love you.  They want to bless you.  And you’d do the same for them in a heartbeat.

5.  Try to maintain a sense of normalcy. Yes, your house is messy.  Yes, your clothes don’t fit.  Yes, you feel like a completely different person than you were before your baby was born.  But that doesn’t mean everything has to change.  Try to do one thing every day that the “old” you would’ve done—whether it’s obsessively de-cluttering the kitchen counter or simply putting on a coat of mascara.

When my son was a new baby, I made myself a little “get yourself together” schedule.  Okay, I didn’t call it that, but everyday I “scheduled” one household task or errand or job to do so that I felt like I had responsibilities outside of slouching on the couch with my boob in my son’s mouth while watching TLC.  Some of my jobs were easy—like reading the new issue of Parenting from cover to cover.  Others were a bit more difficult, like trying to figure out how to make the wipe-warmer actually keep wipes warm.

Time-out for Mom

For When You’re Just Getting Into the Swing of The New Mom Thing

 “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” (Isaiah 40:1)

Father God, What a blessing my new baby is.  There is nothing you could’ve given me that is more wonderful, more beautiful and more telling of your love.  Thank you.  And Lord, while my life has totally changed, thank you for dealing gently with me and showering me with your grace when I need it most.  Lead me, Lord God, so that I can raise this precious baby in a way that guides him to Your kingdom.  Amen.

Ways You’ve Changed Since Becoming a Mom

The old you: Wore cute, belly-hugging tops and styled your hair every single day without fail.
The new you: Has been wearing the same pajamas now for a week.  (To your defense, they’re really, really cute pajamas.)
The old you: Never missed an episode of Downton Abbey.
The new you: Never misses an episode of the Late, Late Show.  Ever.  (What else are you supposed to do when Lil’ Mr. Hungrypants is always wanting to eat at one am?)
The old you: Knew how to make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.
The new you: Has grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.  Three times every week.
The old you: Skipped out on the super-long and boring HOA meeting because it was super-long and boring.
The new you: Wishes you could go to the super-long and boring HOA meeting (at least it’d get you out of the house) but can’t because it’s during your baby’s nap time.
The old you: Never had time to lunch with your girlfriends.
The new you: Lets your baby nap in the infant seat while you have lunch with your girlfriends who you haven’t seen for weeks.
The old you: Felt guilty if you went to bed without doing the dinner dishes.
The new you: Spends the entire day watching your sweet baby sleep—and is completely okay with the fact that the same cereal bowl has been sitting in the sink for a week.

Christian Mama Style

True story:  When I told my friend that I was writing a Christian pregnancy guide, she said, “Every pregnant mom experiences the same morning sickness and the same weight gain.  So why would I need a special pregnancy guide just for Christian moms?  Seems like any old pregnancy guide would say the exact same things.”

And she’s right—sort of.  Yes, every mom, Christian or not, shares similar experiences as she learns to navigate being a parent.  Every mom feels that intense I-will-never-be-able-to-get-over-how-amazing-you-are feeling while simultaneously freaking out about the fact that they are entirely and utterly responsible for the tiny life in their arms.  Us mama bears are fiercely protective of our babies—both physically and emotionally—and we’ll do anything and everything we can to make sure our babies are safe, healthy, and happy.  It’s human nature.

But what makes Christian moms different is that Christian moms also care deeply about our family’s relationship with Jesus along the way.  We want to grow closer to Jesus in this journey of parenthood and we want our kids to grow up to love Him with all of their hearts, their souls, and their minds.  And in the meantime we also want to teach our kids character, help them to grow rock-solid faiths, sow in them a joyful hope in Jesus, and help them to realize that while they are flawed human beings, they serve a God who is perfect yet forgiving and loving yet powerful.  A tall order.  But, before you really start to freak out (I know the very thought of that makes my mind start to whir with thoughts of my own unworthiness), I want to remind you that it is God who can and will work in your kid’s lives.  It is God who knit them together with a perfect plan in mind for their lives.  And it is God who will work to help that plan come into fruition.  Isn’t that a relief?

Of course, we as parents aren’t totally off the hook.  God calls us to love and nurture our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  And that starts from day one.  Yes, that’s right.  You can start teaching your baby about Jesus from the day he or she is born.  Here are a few easy ways to do just that.

Pray.  It’s probably a given that most Christian moms pray for their kids.  But, I also know what it’s like to be in that crazy newborn phase where there’s never enough time for basics like sleeping or showering.  And when I was in that phase, prayer time often got relegated to the back burner.  I want to encourage you to get in the habit of praying for your kids—and praying often.  One way I’ve found to be purposeful about prayer is to use Scripture to pray for your kids.  (The book Praying God’s Word for Your Life by Kathi Lipp has some great ideas on how to do this.)  I’ve spent the last six months reading the book of Ephesians and then using the words in that scripture to pray for my three kids. It’s been a powerful experience where God has revealed a lot to me about His plan for them.
Adjust your expectations.  One thing I had to learn as a new mom was that my time with Jesus was just different than before I had kids.  In my pre-kid days, I would often set aside extended periods of time every morning to pray and read my Bible.  If I needed more time with God, I could just set my alarm a little earlier.  But I think any mom will tell you that a baby is no match for an alarm clock and that it’s almost a guarantee that if you set an alarm for six am, your baby will wake up at ten to six.  Because of this, I had to learn to take mini-prayer breaks throughout the day as well as find alternative times (like during my baby’s nap) to read my Bible.
Sing songs.  I love the song “Change My Heart, Oh God,” so when my daughter was tiny, I would sit in my rocker, snuggle her against me, and sing that song over and over.  For months and months, that’s how she fell asleep.  And even now, more than four years later, she still sings that song, loudly and clearly, whenever she’s down or upset.  It’s become a comfort to her.
Set an example.  Get into the habit of spending thirty minutes each morning—at a time when your baby can see you and hear you—reading your Bible and praying.  Sure, a two-month-old isn’t going to know what’s going on, but as your baby grows and recognizes that Mommy spends time every day in the same spot, praying to God, he or she might be inspired to do the same.
Expose them to the Bible.  I get that busting out a King James Version with a six-month-old will probably only fly for fourteen seconds, but try giving your kids access to the Bible in age-appropriate chunks.  Point out a rainbow in the sky and talk about the story of Noah’s ark.  Read short Bible stories from a children’s Bible.  Talk about how God created everything we see in the world.  As your baby grows, these simple conversations will be woven in with experiences to become part of his spiritual legacy.

Being a Mom Rocks!

The truth is that being a mom is the best thing ever—regardless of how many diapers you’ve changed or how many times your baby woke you up last night.  Your baby is pretty much the most amazing thing that has happened to you.  And, aside from the fact that your life is a teensy bit nuttier than it’s ever been before, your life is also so much sweeter.  Nothing beats baby smiles, melodic gurgles. and chubby baby knees.   Nothing.

Plus, when you have a new baby, you feel like you’re a rock star.  Everywhere you go, people will point and ooh and ahh and try to get a glimpse underneath the baby blanket.  People will hold doors open for your baby stroller and give you advice on elevators.  People will strike up conversations with you, wistfully thinking about the days that their now-thirty-year-olds were that small.  And everyone—and I mean everyone—will marvel at how strong/smart/alert/quiet/sweet your baby is.

Even when things start to feel tough—like when your baby wakes you up seventeen times in the middle of the night and you’ve gone through an entire package of diapers in twenty-four hours—there’s nothing that will ever damper the feeling you have for that baby in your arms.  Nothing.  In my new mom days, I was completely in awe of my son and the love I felt for him.

Experiencing that kind of love showed me a lot about the love God has for us.  Of course, we could never love like He does, but just the experience of being a mom and loving a child made me overwhelmingly grateful.  In John 3:1, the bible tell us to ” For example, 1 John 3:1: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”  God loves me more than I could ever comprehend—yet holding my son for the first time, I got a glimpse of it.  What an amazing feeling.

Anyway, now that you have your mama groove, it’s time to talk about the nitty-gritty of newborn parenting.  How do you change your baby’s diaper without getting pee all over yourself?  How do you know when his cries are real or when he’s just working out a secret plan to keep you awake all night long?  And how in the world do you get those crazy (but adorable) button-up jumpsuits buttoned when your baby is squirming and wiggling?  Let’s find out.

You’re Havin’ a Baby!

The fact that you’re reading this probably means you’re pregnant. Yep. You are pregnant. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? If you thought your graduation day or your last birthday or even your wedding day was exciting and exhilarating and amazing, just wait until you hold your little bundle in your arms for the first time. The feeling is breathtaking. I get misty-eyed just thinking about it. That said, you have eight months (give or take) to wait before that misty-eyed moment, so don’t start packing your hospital bag yet.

I’ve always wondered how God created the heavens and the earth in seven short days and yet it takes nine long months to create a baby. Nine months. Seems like an eternity, doesn’t it? I remember getting so irritated when people told me that my pregnancies would pass in the twinkle of an eye. They swore that I’d be holding my baby before I knew it. That’s kind of hard to believe when you’re carrying around twenty (er, thirty) extra pounds and gagging every time you catch a whiff of someone else’s dinner.

But, really, your pregnancy will be over before you know it. In the meantime, you’re probably going to need some girlfriend-to-girlfriend advice to get you from point A—the miserable, exhausted, growing-by-the-minute, gagging, vomiting, and sweating point you’re most likely at right now, to point B—the glowing, ecstatic, sleep-deprived-but-you-don’t-care-at-all point that you’ll be at in less than forty weeks. And that’s why I wrote this book.

With my first pregnancy, the first thing I did after peeing on a stick was head to the bookstore to find a book that would keep me informed about what to expect (nausea, bloating, and night waking) and what not to expect (a glorious time where I could eat unlimited amounts of ice cream while my husband massaged my feet). Not surprisingly, there were oodles of choices; there were pregnancy guides for new moms-to-be, old moms-to-be, young moms-to-be, and tall moms-to-be. There were pregnancy guides for dads-to-be and grandparents-to-be and second-cousins-to-be. But, there was nothing for Christian moms-to-be. So, a few years later, I did what any somewhat sane mother-of-two would do. I wrote my own Christian pregnancy guide.

The good news is that I’m not going to bore you with medical jargon. It’s not that I don’t like medical jargon (when I was pregnant, I loved reading books that told me all about the medical feats that my body was performing while growing a baby), but I’m not a doctor. In fact, I don’t have any medical training at all (unless you count the fact that I took—and passed—health ed. in high school). So, if you’re looking for medical rhetoric and big-word-laden advice for a magical breakthrough that will quell your ever-present nausea and keep your weight gain to a minimum, this probably isn’t the place.

However, while my medical expertise stops at “take some Tylenol and go lie down,” I do have some pregnancy expertise. I’ve been pregnant twice. My sisters have all been pregnant. My friends have all been pregnant. Heck, a few months ago, my dog got pregnant. I’ve been surrounded by pregnancy non-stop for the past four years, and as I dealt with morning sickness and weight gain and decorating a nursery, I gleaned some pregnancy knowledge.

I also had horrible pregnancies. I know. I shouldn’t be saying that to new moms-to-be, but for the sake of honesty, I’m going to throw it out there. I went through the ringer during my first pregnancy and swore up and down that I would never, ever survive but that if by some miracle I did survive, I would never, ever, ever get pregnant again. Well, I survived. I fell in love with my baby and promptly got pregnant again. And you know what? I survived the second awful pregnancy too. And, if we’re being honest, I’d take a third pregnancy (and a fourth), God willing. In an instant.

You probably don’t want to hear this right now, but it is worth it. Every time you gag. Every time you throw-up into your mouth. Every pound you gain. Every sleepless night. All of it. It’s worth it. Just wait. I promise that nine months from now, you’re going to be emailing me and telling me I was right.

I won’t say I told you so.

1

Getting Into the Pregnancy Groove

Being Pregnant and Loving It

You figured out how to actually get pregnant (go you!), and now you have to figure out how to be pregnant. Contrary to popular belief, being pregnant isn’t as simple as remembering to take your prenatal vitamins, which is a feat unto itself. Pregnancy is exhausting, exciting, exhilarating, and stressful all at once, which means that you’re going to be exhausted, excited, exhilarated, and stressed for the next few months. Not an easy thing to be—especially when you’re gaining weight at a rate of three pounds per week.

I hate to even say this to a pregnant woman, but the next few months might not be the best months of your life. (Sorry!) I think my biggest misconception about pregnancy was that I expected it to be easy. I thought I’d be bubbling with baby-growing joy for the entire nine months. Maybe that’s true for some people, but it wasn’t the case for me. Pregnancy was hard. And stressful. And super annoying at times. And I wrestled with emotions that I’m embarrassed to even admit. (But we’ll get to that later.)

Interestingly, while I was trying to get a handle on the stress and emotions of pregnancy, I felt an overwhelming urge to draw closer to God. There’s something about impending motherhood that makes a girl really reflect on who she is and who she wants to be. I knew that my future children needed a godly mother, and I knew that I fell (far) short of the mark. This caused me to spend a lot of time reflecting on the characteristics of godly mothers and how I could become one.

As Christian women, we have to live up to a pretty high standard. The legendary Proverbs 31 woman is gracious and kind and long-suffering and probably never snapped at her husband for leaving dirty clothes on the floor. I’m not even close. I find myself living in a daily battle to live up to God’s standard for my life. I wake up praying that I’ll live with patience and integrity throughout the day . . . and find myself losing my cool before breakfast.

Yet, at one of the most stressful, emotional, and trying times of my life (my first pregnancy), God drew me closer to Him. I actually felt His presence as I spent time praying and reflecting on my baby and my future as a mother. It’s comforting to hear His voice in a time of need and feel His presence when you’re feeling your worst. And, hearing God’s voice (and knowing he’s there) is great motivation to have a godly attitude throughout pregnancy.

Of course, I was still the same old girl who couldn’t seem to make it to breakfast without losing patience about something. (Have I mentioned the dirty laundry that is always left on the bathroom floor?) Still, God did show me that purposefully choosing to have a godly attitude resulted in me feeling closer to Him. That, in turn, allowed me to have a more gracious attitude about my pregnancies.

Sounds a bit trite, doesn’t it? I mean, if it was all about choosing to smile through any situation, then every day would be gumdrops and Preggie Pops, right? Not exactly. But God does call us to be content in any circumstance (even morning sickness!), which means choosing to focus on the reasons we have to be grateful, even when it’s tempting to be grumpy.

And trust me, when I was pregnant, I had lots of reasons to be grumpy. But, I did strive to have an attitude of gratitude about my pregnancy. Here’s how I did (and didn’t) do it.

[[a header]]How to Get into the Pregnancy Groove

[[b header]]1. Get Yourself Pumped Up

When I first got pregnant, I was giddy with excitement. And who wouldn’t be? I was going to have a baby. I couldn’t stop thinking (or talking) about it. But then I got tired. And sick. And bloated. And suddenly I wasn’t so giddy anymore. In fact, once those pregnancy symptoms kicked in, I turned into a whiney, moaning, self-pitying mess. I resented my baby for making me feel so bad and resented everyone else because they didn’t feel as bad as I did. I resented my job because I had to go to it. I resented my husband because he could sleep and I couldn’t. I even resented my dog because she could spend the entire day basking in the sunshine while I had to actually get up and function.

So, how exactly do you start thinking about rainbows and baby booties when you’ve spent weeks hugging the toilet bowl? One thing I did was immerse myself in babyland. I bought books about pregnancies and babies. I hung out with friends who had babies. I oogled over baby gear on the Internet and rented funny movies about babies and watched them over and over. The only thing I didn’t do was volunteer to babysit, because that would’ve taken way more energy than I had at that point. But if you’re feeling up to dirty diapers and peek-a-boo, then go for it.

The point is, the more time you spend around babies (and other mothers), the more excited you will be about your own baby. And trust me, the only thing in the world that is worth nine months of pregnancy is a baby . . . and you’re getting one. So hop on board the baby train (I don’t have to tell you twice, do I?) and start living baby.

[[b header]]2. Turn that Mommy Guilt into Glee (Or at Least Contentment)

That resentment I felt because I was sick, tired, and fat quickly turned to guilt. I felt guilty for resenting my baby, who was supposed to be my pride and joy. I felt guilty for resenting my husband, who was honestly trying to help me as much as he could. Mostly, I felt guilty that I wasn’t thrilled to be pregnant.

I started to wonder if God didn’t approve of my pregnancy and my baby. Crazy talk, right? I know that now, but at the time, I felt so awful and so confused that I started to doubt God’s providence. Of course, once I realized—duh!—that God blessed me with the pregnancy, I wanted to be grateful to Him regardless of how I was feeling. God wants us to be content in our pregnancies, even when we’re not feeling good. Tough job, huh?

It was a long, uphill battle for me. And I had to constantly remind myself of God’s grace and mercy. But in the midst of the battle, God taught me many lessons I wouldn’t have otherwise learned: how to depend on others, how to trust, and what it means to truly depend on God for strength.

[[b header]]3. Pray for Your Baby

Another way to get into the pregnancy groove is to start praying for your baby in-utero. Sounds obvious, right? Well, it wasn’t for me. (I was tired and sick, okay?) It took me several weeks of pregnancy to start praying for my son. I was so stunned and overwhelmed by the idea of being pregnant that the idea of praying for my baby didn’t cross my mind. One day, one of the girls in my small-group Bible study mentioned that she had prayed for her baby throughout her pregnancy and suddenly the light went on. I wanted to pray for my unborn child too!

I could go into the mushy details about how my husband and I lay in bed and put our hands on my slightly protruding tummy and prayed for our son, but I’m sure you get it. In fact, you’ve probably been praying for your baby since the moment you found out you were pregnant. But, just in case there’s another woman out there like me who didn’t think of it, I thought I’d mention it.

[[b header]]4. Think About the Pros of Pregnancy

There are some (okay, lots of) wonderful things about pregnancy. What other time in your life do you have free license to eat extra calories, sleep late, and buy baby clothes without reservation?

Plus, when you’re pregnant, everyone (and I mean everyone) gushes over you. I remember walking into church as I was just starting to show. Two of the guys in our Sunday school class ran to grab me a chair. My husband got me water and my girlfriend brought me muffins from the class next door. They had blueberry crumble! Everyone oohed and aahhhed. Part of me hated all of the fuss—uh, who am I kidding? I loved the attention! Who wouldn’t?

But aside from the minor benefits, when you’re pregnant, it’s easy to dwell on all of the things you’re missing out on. You can’t eat sushi. You can’t wear your favorite pencil skirt. Your bras are all too small, and you’re too tired to stay up late watching chick flicks with your hubby (as if that happened before). I remember bursting into tears in the middle of our church group’s Christmas party because the eggnog was made from raw eggs and I was a little uneasy about exposing my unborn child to salmonella. I actually sobbed. Totally irrational, I know (especially considering the fact that there were a million other drink options at the party), but I felt so deprived.

The thing is, pregnancy isn’t about deprivation. Sure, there are things you shouldn’t and can’t do, but there is also one huge thing that you can do: nurture your own child inside of you. What an incredible privilege. I’m sure some of our husbands are secretly envious of us that we get to do it and they don’t! How else can we account for their sympathy weight gain?

The best way to get out of a pregnancy funk is to think about the reason for the pregnancy. I know that sounds obvious, but focus on your baby. Focus on the privilege. It’ll help you to forget the pain. And if that doesn’t work, think of all of the things that you can get away with during this brief period of your life.

[[a header]]Things You Can Do While Pregnant (That You Would Never Get Away with Otherwise)

Wear flip-flops or clogs every day. Even to church.
Leave the toilet unscrubbed for the entire nine months (might as well make it an even ten).
Order dessert (and eat it all by yourself).
Wear sweats to the grocery store, to work, and to dinner at your mother-in-law’s.
Skip your morning shower. Three days in a row.
Add half-and-half to your decaf (or half-caf).
Send your hubby to Sonic for a foot-long hot dog at 11 p.m.
Eat a foot-long hot dog at 11 p.m and wash it down with Chunky Monkey.
Go to bed at 7 p.m. on a Friday night.
Spend your entire Saturday camped out on the couch watching “A Baby Story.”
Borrow your husband’s t-shirts.
Chat about baby names on a baby names message board.
Go to Babies R Us and camp out in one of their rockers for an entire afternoon. You probably need to test it out so go ahead and take a nap if you’d like.
[[a header]]Pregnancy Rocks (Even Though It Sometimes Stinks)

The fact is, in spite of all of the nausea, bloating, and constant peeing, there’s also an ecstatic, blissful, giddy joy that comes from the fact that you have a baby growing inside of you. It’s amazing. And no matter how bad you feel, you can still cling to that. I remember being hunched over the toilet puking up my guts and thinking to myself how amazing it was that there was a tiny life growing inside of me.

It’s okay to be a little ambivalent, depressed, scared, worried, nervous, angry, irritated, or annoyed by your pregnancy. Feeling that way is natural. And feeling that way about your pregnancy has nothing to do with how you’re feeling about your baby. Of course you love your baby! But you don’t have to love pregnancy to love your baby. Just because you’re thrilled to be pregnant, you don’t have to ignore all the aches and pains and annoyances.

So, enough pep talking . . . you’re ready, right? Time to get down to the nitty-gritty. What are the next nine months really going to be like? What can you do to combat morning sickness? And bloating? And the rest of those icky pregnancy symptoms? And, perhaps most importantly, how much longer (in minutes) are you going to be able to fit into your favorite pre-pregnancy jeans? Let’s talk first trimesters.